Cheating on your significant other is probably the heaviest hit to a relationship’s stability and longevity. One could even say that it’s a sure fire way of ending a relationship, leading the couple to bitterly break up, or in the case of married couples, to file for a divorce. In movies, it’s a common thing to see a guy or girl cheat on his or her significant other as a drama point to progress the plot.
But the thing most people tend to forget is that cheating on your partner is not the only way to ruin a relationship. Just because you’ve stayed faithful to each other does not mean that you aren’t hurting your bond. You might not even be aware of the things you do daily that could lead to the eventual collapse of your relationship.
So, to help you be aware and to keep your relationship as healthy and stable as possible, avoid doing these seven things and you’ll have a chance at a long and happy life with your significant other.
- Not taking care of your body or your mind.
The moment you become comfortable enough in a relationship to share your secrets is a wondrous time. It marks the start of a mutual trust and understanding that can strengthen the bonds you and your partner share. But, like most things, there is such a thing as being too comfortable.
When you’ve “secured” someone who you feel is okay with everything you do, chances are you’ll stop striving to be the best version of you that you can be. This can lead to a decrease of joy and fulfillment in the relationship. The relationship becomes stale and difficult to maintain. In the end, your partner will begin to think that you’re just not worth the trouble anymore.
Being in a relationship with someone should drive us to become even better, not only for us, but for the one we have chosen to love. Keep yourself healthy and be the best you that you can be, so that you can shine in the eyes of your partner and prove to him or her that you are the man or woman of his or her dreams.
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- Putting the importance of relationship status over the quality of your relationship.
How many times have you heard the phrase, “virgins are losers” or something similar to that effect? In this society of ours, the peak of attractiveness is only achievable by being in a relationship, or even being in multiple ones. This fact is what makes it very difficult for people to take forming relationships slowly, and in our haste, we make mistakes.
Even our parents tend to start questioning us when we’re still single at the age of 25. They berate us with questions on whether we have that special someone in our lives or even when we’ll be having their grandchildren. This way of defining a relationship as a trophy is due to something called a “fantasy bond”.
In Dr. Robert Firestone’s book called “Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice”, he details that this fantasy bond is the main reason why people have begun to think of a relationship as a social status instead of its true form of love and affection towards another human being. Humans tend to attach a value of being in a relationship that raises their self worth and likability.
The point is, our society has begun to forget the true meaning of being in a relationship. It’s not to prove that you’re attractive or to please your parent’s expectations. You get together with someone because you want to be with him or her. You feel like with them by your side, you become whole.
- Being “right” all the time.
We’ve all had that argument. He thinks he’s right, she thinks she ‘s right, but if everyone’s right, who’s in the wrong? When faced with the prospect of being in the wrong, something inside us tells us to start blaming the other person.
When we value our own sense of pride over the feelings of our significant other, we end up pushing them away. For each time you do this, your partner begins to lose his or her own self-worth. Eventually, your stubbornness will drive them off.
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Being in a relationship requires compromise. Not everyone has to be right. If you make a mistake, admit it. Own up to it and stop pushing the blame. And if your partner is the one in the wrong, be the bigger person and calmly confront him or her. Just listen. If he or she is really mistaken, they’ll realize it sooner or later. And if they truly love you, they’ll own up to their mistakes as well.
- Being “too” honest.
Being honest to your spouse is very important to the health of your relationship. But disregarding your partner’s feelings when you tell them something “truthful” is a sure fire way of hurting your bond. If your wife recently gained a few pounds, there’s no need for you to bring it out into the open. If your husband’s hair is starting to fall out, don’t point it out and make fun of it.
Honesty might be the best policy, but there is always a time and a place for the truth. Don’t lie, but if you have to be truthful, be gentle.
- Taking advantage of your spouse.
There’s a thin line between accepting your spouse’s tokens of love and abusing their generosity. We often make the mistake of thinking that it’s our partner’s job to keep us happy. Sometimes, we forget that just because they love you, it doesn’t mean that you should just keep on waiting for them to show their affection.
Too many people have taken advantage of their lover simply because they feel like they deserve to be loved. When one person gives too much, the other person will be the one to take too much. And it goes both ways. This causes severe strain to the giver, and this will eventually make them feel like the relationship is too hard for them.
For a relationship to be truly healthy, there should be a balance of giving and taking. Know your spouse. Keep them happy but don’t forget to also think of your own well-being. If your partner truly loves you, they’ll know to give just as much as they take.
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- Subtly trying to change your partner.
Nobody’s perfect. Even the person you love has a trait that annoys you every now and then. Maybe he’s too into video games or she spends way too much money shopping. Either way, there’s always going to be that one thing that you wish you could change about him or her.
But forcing a change in your partner’s personality is wrong. It makes them feel like they’re not good enough for you. This insecurity can lead to their own self-worth diminishing.
Love is unconditional. It should never be about what things you can keep and what you want to get rid of. You chose your partner for the whole, not for their parts. If he really does spend too much time playing video games or she really does blow all of your money on a new pair of shoes, trust him or her to change over time, but not because you forced them to. A person can change, but true love stays the same.
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