These Are The Most Common Reasons Relationships End And How To Prevent Them
The only thing permanent is change, and relationships are no different. This is mostly due to the fact that people are dynamic beings. We change to suit our environment, and having a person so close to us most of the time is enough of a stimulus to make us change ourselves even more.
But if you got into a relationship and want things to stay the same all the time, you might run into problems later on. Sometimes your loved ones start doing things you don’t enjoy. Maybe they suddenly got interested in interpretative dance or fantasy football, and you don’t like to do either of those. This can pose a problem to the relationship.
Those are only one of the few things that can make or break a relationship. If you want to keep the bond that you’ve started and help it grow, know how to beat these 5 things that can cause relationships to break apart.
- Different values and needs
Being two different people, most couples have differing opinions and views. One of you might enjoy shopping sprees while the other would rather save it all in a bank account. A more common problem when it comes to different needs is the need for sexual pleasure. More often than not, one of the people involved in a relationship will have a higher sexual drive. This difference could cause arguments on whether his or her needs are being met or not.
Noted psychotherapist Jeremi McManus states that the main reason for these issues is because of the different value systems they were introduced when they were kids. Take for example a wife who has 50 pairs of shoes but keeps on buying new ones. She could’ve been raised by her parents to be a bit more loose with cash.
According to McManus, the most effective way of circumventing this problem is to listen to your spouse. Hear what they have to say and try to see things from their perspective. Once you take the time to see if that the things they perceive are necessary is of no harm to you or your relationship, it really gives you a better understanding of the situation.
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- Bringing up pasts arguments and emotional triggers
We all go into a relationship in the hopes of fulfilling our need for love and affection. But as anyone who’s been in a relationship can tell you, there will be times where you and your partner will argue due to the simplest of misunderstandings. Conflict is natural in a relationship, but having the same argument over and over again can really prove to be taxing to both parties involved.
Psychotherapist and founder of the Couples Center in San Francisco Gal Szekely states that the problem is not knowing what emotional triggers are.
According to him, these are the “buttons” in our psyche that when “pushed” makes us react to a particular stimulus more intensely. For example, your spouse might have been raised in an environment where they could spend as much money as they wanted to. So when you fight over finances, they will most likely be more triggered every time you mention how much of an unnecessary spender they are.
The key to avoiding this issue is to know your partners emotional triggers. Get to know them and understand why they would act the way they do. When you understand what makes the emotional trigger happen, you can address the real issue and avoid escalating future arguments.
- Giving up
It takes two people to form a relationship, and it takes these two people to work together to keep their bond strong and healthy. But when you or your spouse decides to give up and call it quits, it won’t take long for the relationship to fall apart.
The main reason why people give up on their relationship is because they feel like their needs are no longer being satisfied. This causes us to stop working on the relationship and to focus on ourselves. This can lead to the negligence of the relationship’s well being, and eventually you and your partner will break apart.
The only way to cure this problem is “to learn how to communicate your needs and desires without it coming off as demands” says Kim Bowen, relationship counselor and founder of the online relationship counseling site, the Marriage Place.
Instead of demanding your wants and needs to be met, try asking your partner nicely. For example, if your husband is always out late, instead of berating him for this, tell him that you love him and really wish that they could be home earlier to spend more time with you. This way, it will become more like a wish that he can grant rather than a demand that he is forced to do.
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- Not knowing yourself
People often think that problems in a relationship are because of lack of communication. But what most of these people forget is that communication is not only limited to what your partner has to say. According to Debi Maldonado, life coach and co-founder of the Academy of Jungian Spiritual Psychology, people, most people think that the problem is with the partner instead of the reflection of themselves.
When we have an argument with our partner, we often see their response as directly related to our own issues. But sometimes, due to our own willful ignorance of how we truly feel, this can lead to misunderstandings. So long as we do not know what bothers us, how can we expect our partner to help us?
That is why the best way to cure this problem is to have a deeper understanding of ourselves. Maldonado elaborates that for a healthy relationship, you should take a step back and see if the same problems that plague your relationship happen in other aspects of your life too. When you finally see the real issue, you’ll know what truly bothers you. Then you’ll be able to sort things out with your partner.
- Gradually drifting away from each other
Lastly, the biggest threat to a long and happily relationship is the couple growing apart. This has happened many times. You wake up one day and you no longer have the same interests. You begin to ask yourself, when did he or she change? Where has the man or woman that I fell in love with gone?
This happens because people change. When you don’t pay close enough attention to your partner, you won’t notice it until it’s too late.
That’s why the best way to avoid drifting apart is to keep working on your relationship. Never let it stagnate or becoming dull. You can do this by going to new places with your spouse, or taking a few lessons and enjoying a new hobby together. If you want to keep change from destroying your relationship, you must go with the flow. If you sit still and do nothing, you’ll find your relationship slowly being eroded away like a rock in the middle of a river.
Be with your partner and change with them. See them not only as the person you fell in love with, but as the person you will continue to fall in love with everyday until the end of time.
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