Why Do Men Cheat on Their Loved Ones and What They Actually Think
A relationship brings many things like happiness, joy and love.
Unfortunately it can also bring many misunderstandings and hurt feelings. This often happens when a partner becomes unfaithful.
We can sit here and argue who cheats more, men or women, but sorry for you guys, men are the most common cheaters out there.
What the numbers say
What comes to mind when we hear that someone cheated in a relationship? Most of us would probably have assumed right off the bat that the cheater slept with someone other than their partner; however, cheating is much more complex than that. It could be that the cheater withdrew some emotional or mental aspect of the relationship and instead focused it on another.
After clarifying what actions count as cheating, men do cheat more than women, but not by much. According to some reputable sources like Rutgers University, National Opinion Research Center and other sources, this holds true, but again, not by much.
Although for guys this might be bad news, it gets worse. What the data says is that:
Most men would cheat if they think that they won’t be found out
Although the number that represents this (76%!) is pretty dang high, take note that it also includes non-physical acts of cheating like looking at other women, etc.
Cheating happens even in healthy relationships
Of all the male cheaters in the data, 56% said that their current relationships were healthy, and that it was not a reason as to why they cheated.
Only a few men in committed relationships will ever admit to cheating
Logically, this might not be that much of a surprise, after all, what thief wants to admit their own crime? Studies show that only 21% of the male cheaters interviewed admitted to their respective partners.
If cheating is such a horrendous act, then why do we do it? Is it just an inherent part of who we are? If so, one might think, is monogamy really what humans were destined to do?
Sadly, in a strictly biological point of view, monogamy is a very strange thing. The facts are:
Jane Lancaster, an expert on evolutionary anthropology theorizes that monogamy between parents may have been founded just for the sake of their children.
From an evolutionary point of view, men cheat because they are programmed to “spread their seed” because they want their genes to propagate well around the world. In fact in the history of humankind, it has been noted that only the strongest males get to pass on their genes by having access to the most supple mates.
Of all the mammal species out there, only about 3-5% engage in monogamy, the rest are out there humping whoever they find.
Related Article: The 4 Biggest Reasons Why People Cheat on Their Partners
Now that we’ve dealt with all the scientific mumbo jumbo about cheating, it still doesn’t change the fact that being cheated on does hurt alot.
So how do you find out if your man isn’t being faithful?
There are a few signs that are very indicative that your man might not be yours alone anymore. If your instincts are telling you that something’s off, it could be on the money, but don’t jump to conclusions just yet. Look for other signs like:
* He’s married to his phone
If he suddenly pays alot more attention to his phone, or any type of multimedia device for that matter, that could be enough to raise suspicions that he might be into someone else.
* He doesn’t show you his phone
Obviously a clear sign he’s hiding something from you, but even if he does give you his phone, check his reaction everytime you do something with it. If you look through his phone’s gallery or his net history and he gets a bit antsy or defensive, you know something’s not right.
* He erases his net history
Although not really a good sign that he’s cheating, since he might be hiding something else like some weird fad he’s into, it could still be a sign that you should keep a close eye on him from now on.
* Caught in the act of lying
If your catch your man lying about where he was, who he was with or what he was doing, that’s a red flag. Unless your man is doing a big romantic gesture, he has no right to be lying to your face.
* Changes his interests
If one minute he’s so into you that you have to pry him off, the next he’s practically in another dimension, it could be a sign that he’s found someone else.
* He thinks you’re the bad guy
If out of the blue he accuses you of cheating, it’s definitely a red flag. Psychologically speaking, a person would only suspect irrationally if they themselves want or have done it themselves.
There’s no two ways about it, cheating hurts. But we have to ask ourselves, why do we, as a species that reveres monogamy so much, cheat?
Related Article: Why Men Cheat? Why Women Cheat?
There are a number of reasons, some very petty, while others that make total sense. Here are a few:
1. They’re Immature
It takes a great deal of maturity to stay faithful to someone. If they’re not at that level yet, then there’s a good chance they aren’t the one for you.
2. They’re not men, they’re f*** boys
These types of “men” are only in it for the sexual gratification they think they will get; they only say what needs to be said to get you in the sack. Don’t waste your time on guys like these.
3. He’s insecure
Insecurity brings out the worse in a lot of us, and in a man who’s insecure either about his looks or his manliness, they can bring chaos to a relationship.
4. He thinks of you as just a unique conquest
A guy like this needs to get his ego checked; they are often ones that only say and do the right things so that they can say they got you to boost their own ego.
5. He’s bored
Maybe he thinks that you’re just not exciting enough either emotionally, mentally or physically, that’s why he’s decided to spice things up a bit for himself.
6. Distorted notion of love
They have that idea of love that only exists in romantic sitcoms or movies, that’s why they can’t determine the difference of true love and just plain old infatuation. When things finally get real and they find out not only the good but the bad things about you, they usually try and seek another partner that will fit their “perfect” idea of love.
You screwed him over, and instead of handling the situation like a man, he’s decided to get petty and cheat on you to punish you. Is this really the type of guy you want to be with?
8. He likes “weird” things
If he has some fetish that he thinks might be too weird for you to know or to do, he might try and find someone else more openminded to do it with. Even if it might seem like a trivial thing, cheating is still cheating, right?
9. He’s hurt inside
People with traumatic experiences often have trust issues, and thus they can’t allow themselves to be that open and vulnerable to someone else. That’s why when they feel that it’s becoming too real, they might cheat just to bail out.
10. They’re addicted to something
Whether it be drugs, the thrill of a new relationship, or sex, addiction will often screw over even the most seemingly foolproof relationships.
11. He wants to leave you
Unfortunately he might come to the conclusion that he just doesn’t want to commit to you anymore, so he goes and finds another relationship to make sure he doesn’t end up alone when he ends things with you.
So you caught your man cheating. And we’ve heard all of the excuses before, he means the world to you, you want to heal him, etc. but girl, like your momma might have said, once a cheater, always a cheater. But there are couples who have decided to give what they have a second chance, and if you really want it to work even if you caught him cheating, there are a few ways:
* Hall Pass
You caught him cheating? Give him an ultimatum; he must let you even the score, or else you’re leaving his sorry ass excuse for a man.
It takes an iron will to make a broken relationship whole again, and if both of you, and this is very important, the BOTH of you want to make things work, then therapy is your best bet. Seek a professional to help diagnose what’s wrong with what you’ve got right now and do your best to repair it.
* Take some time off
If you can’t decide just yet what to do, a time off might be a great idea. It gives you some alone time to rest, relax and rediscover yourself while at the same time not entirely closing the door on your current relationship. Once you’re done, you’ll have a clearer picture of what to do with your life, and we hope that you’ll know what to do.
Related Article: Is Flirting While In A Relationship Cheating?
Relationships are definitely not easy to maintain, since it takes TWO people who want to make it work. But if you’re lucky, you will find the right one that makes you forget that you’ve ever been cheated on in the first place.